It didn't hit me until college that I liked guys.

Now this isn't to say that I didn't pay attention to the cute ones before then. Heck, I had my first male crush when I was in first grade (his name was Josh, if you wanna know). Even in middle school I took a few glances at the popular boys. I'd always written it off as a sort of admiration, something that every guy probably feels when they're around the coolest kid in class. You just wanna be close to 'em, you know? Maybe share a book when you need to read together in English, with that warm, fuzzy feeling filling you up from being close to someone you like.

Still, I had just as many (if not more) girl-crushes over the same period of time. My first sexual fantasies in high school were of girls, and of me making sweet gentlemanly love to them on the mound of a grassy hill. These always made me feel incredibly guilty, since I'd been raised as one of those “nice guys” that perhaps tries too hard to respect women's boundaries. In any case, despite the blushes and fluttery sensations I got from being around the hot dudes in school I'd always thought I was straight.

Okay, I admit it. I was in denial. But when you grow up in a conservative Catholic household you have to suppress a lot of things. Hell, I didn't even try masturbating until I was nineteen... before that the only way I could come was by grinding against my mattress at night, and lemme tell you the cleanup was a bitch.

It was only in college when I got away from my religious parents that I started to get curious, though a lot of the credit should go to Drake.

We were high school classmates in fifth period World History, and he always sat in the back corner. We weren't friends, not really... but we definitely knew each other. He was nice, if a little bipolar. When no one was talking to him he'd be quiet and brooding, this dark little pit of intensity in a class full of students looking forward to graduation. Once we broke into groups though he'd be grinning like anyone else. Drake was really sweet and always ready to lend a helping hand on assignments, and everyone knew he was a good guy to be around. He just had some hidden issues.

He was also “the gay guy” in school.

This was before the It Gets Better project, so I think he was shoved around a bit back in the day. Maybe the bullying was what contributed to his odd personality. Half the school didn't give two shits as far as I could tell. The other half noticeably edged away from him if he passed by them in the halls. I didn't think too much of it at the time. Oddly enough, the jocks were pretty cool with Drake.

Like I was saying, once I got into college and was living on my own I started to get curious. Maybe it was the fact that I'd started sleeping in on Sundays and skipping church. No more guilting me about this sorta shit. Browsing for porn on the internet I'd accidentally stumbled on some Leviticus-unfriendly videos, and after the initial shock I started discovering things that I was too afraid to admit to anyone, even myself.

Then I remembered Drake, and thought that he might be just the perfect person to talk to.