The Marriage Murders

“A she-devil is alive and well and living here.” Roxie breezed through the diner with uncharacteristic speed and fell on a stool like a ragdoll. “How could this have happened in Briny Bay?”

“Well let me see.” Trixie turned around from the veggie prep center and leaned her elbow on the counter. “Georgia Collins is already dead, so she’s out, unless she came back with her trident. Don’t tell me you’ve already found her replacement, someone you’d like to murder just as much?”

“You can be so sarcastic. Just for your information, women I find annoying, and women I dread beyond an inch of my life and who should rightfully eliminated off the face of the Earth, are two different categories. This new woman fits in the yellow zone quickly approaching red. Bring me emergency coffee and real cream, stat. Maybe that will settle my nerves.” Roxie leaned over the counter and addressed her in hoarse whisper. “Tell me the truth, haven’t you gotten a gander yet at the building that magically erupted on Main Street’s corner? I swear it’s just like an ugly wart.”

Trixie grinned as she poured Roxie’s coffee. “Sweetie, you know nothing’s as ugly as a wart. Remember that one on your chin that kept coming back even with that OTC stuff you kept putting on it with a dropper? I told you one little visit to Dr. Jeffers would do it, but nooo, you didn’t want the blister that comes from freezing, said it would make you look like the wicked witch of the west, so…”

“Oh cut the shit, Trix, this is serious. Give me the coffee, please.”
Trixie set the cup and pitcher of cream in front of her. “I haven’t seen you this worked up since Jack threw you in the slammer.”

“Don’t bring up that horrible nightmare. This one’s bad enough. Get this. That store at the end of the block and life as we knew it—it’s a lingerie shop. Do you know what that means?”

Cocking her head sideways, Trixie stared at her sister. “You’re afraid someone local’s going to know your pantie size?”

Roxie spewed her coffee and wiped at her blouse.

“Well it can’t be the bra size. You’re a respectable C cup.”

“I swear you can be so dense sometimes. Lingerie, sexy, bridal, bridal shop. Got it? Not only that but I have it on the best authority the shop is gonna carry ‘X-rated’ items.”

Trixie chuckled. “Hold on. This calls for me to come over to the other side of the counter.” She poured herself a cup of coffee and quickly joined Roxie on another stool. “So what kind of ‘X- rated’ items?”
Roxie shrugged. “Got me. Even if she’d said what they were, outside of a vibrator I probably wouldn’t have had a clue what she was talking about. I am a mere babe in the woods when it comes to kinky. I doubt I know more than two of the sixty-four sexual acts in the Kama Sutra.”

“At least you know how many there are. And don’t ask how many I’ve tried. Been married to Floyd forever. I can tell you how many TV channels there are on satellite. Does that count?”

Roxie just shook her head. “Honestly, Trixie, I’m serious. I’m pitiful. Hell, I’ve never even seen a porn movie.”

“Now Roxie Turner, that’s a lie.” Trixie waved her finger at her sister. “You went to see ‘Alice in Wonderland’ with me in Raleigh.”

Roxie let out one of her famous exaggerated breaths of irritation. “Only because you forgot to tell me what it was. I just thought it was another version of the classic.”

Howling, Trixie hit her knee. “Well it was.” At Roxie’s rising color, Trixie shut her mouth, mirth still bubbling up inside. This woman was anything but a prude, but boy had she gotten Rox worked-up.

“Yeah classic. If it had been 3-D, that would have classified as horror. You have to give me credit, though, it didn’t take me long to figure it out. Once I saw that guy’s wanger in Technicolor, on a big screen, I decided it was time to go.

“Right, go find your vibrator.” Tears of laughter rolled down Trixie’s face. Roxie’s look of shocked disdain goaded her on. “Come clean. It was David Harrison whispering at us from behind that made you run for the lobby.”

Roxie stared at the ceiling. “As usual you have managed to jump the track on our conversation. Do you mind chugging back down the track to where we were discussing my very real predicament?

“Learning what ‘X-rated’ items are or how to use them?” It was so much fun to chide her sister. That was the true pleasure of being the older of the two.

“Stop it!” Roxie hissed. “The fact is the store will be competition.”

Trixie took a sip of coffee. “The sign isn’t up on the building yet. Just how do you know all this about the store?”

“Well.” Roxie now stared at the floor, her hands folded demurely in her lap. “I went for a fill on my nail tips, you know, the ones you made me get at Natalie’s salon? Well, I was waiting my turn while a woman I’d never seen got hers done. Now, you have to admit it’s been years of Sundays since either one of us saw a new woman here we didn’t know or who wasn’t with someone who grew up here and we knew from the playpen. She was talking about her store, so of course I eavesdropped like any good keeper of the latest scoop.”

“Naturally.”

Roxie sighed. “Thank the Lord you understand that part.”

“Takes one to know one.” Trixie winked. “Continue.”

“So I learned she‘s opening the shop and moving into Terrence Benson’s old house. Seems she’s his third cousin and she bought the house from Sarah.”

“Could be true, but I wouldn’t count on it. Sarah was such a money-grabbing fool. I should have known she’d cashed out on her old man’s last-remaining items immediately after his death. It better explains her quick departure to move to Florida. The money she got must have been burning a hole in her pocket.”

“I’m sure that was part of it, but you have to admit Sarah’s been going down to Florida a lot lately, at least for the past year.”

“Well, maybe so, but the woman always gave me bad vibes. Something about her eyes. She always did rub me the wrong way.”

“Well this woman who’s here now rubs me against the grain.” Roxie’s jaw clenched.

“Exactly what did you leave out telling me Rox?”

The door’s bell tinkled as a patron entered. Trixie turned to see a blonde enter. About mid-thirties, at least five-nine or ten, lithe and strikingly gorgeous, the woman stood there in what had to be a designer dress, and not a discount store special either. “May I help you? Uh, this is the diner.”

The woman smiled. “Yes I know.”

Her voice was deep and sultry, reminding Trixie of Lauren Bacall’s. In fact, she could have been Bacall in an early Bogie movie if the decade were right.

She extended her hand. “Marlowe Malone. I’m opening a store just up the block from you. I thought it only fair I patronize my block mates’ stores. Besides, I’m hungry. What’s your special?”

Trixie grinned. “You’re opening the lingerie store?” She felt Roxie kick her leg. “I, uh heard it from the owner of the building.”

Marlowe smiled. “I was sure it would get around. Word-of-mouth is so helpful, isn’t it? Yes, it’s a lingerie store but really a naughty toy store. The usual fantasy items for the adventurous couple.” She raised her eyebrows. “I’m very discreet. That’s why the store is called ‘I’ll Never Tell.’” She held out two cards. “Here’s one for you and one for your friend. Twenty percent discount on first purchase.”

“My, my, wouldn’t Floyd be surprised if I brought something home?” Trixie laughed. “On second thought, he’d probably think it was an attachment for his remote control.”

“You never know.” Marlowe chuckled. “About that food? I love Southern cooking.”

“Then at least you’re not a vegetarian.” Trixie got up and walked back behind the counter. She watched out of the corner of her eye as Roxie sized up her competition.

“I run the bridal shop down one block,” Roxie told her. “We have always specialized in lingerie and honeymoon items.”

Marlowe sat down next to her. “Well, then, I suppose we must be competitors.”

Roxie shrugged. “We’ll see. I hope you don’t expect too much.”

Marlowe tossed her hair. “Oh, I’ve found if I believe hard enough I can make it happen. For now, can we just be friends?”

“I promise I won’t say anything but nice words while you eat.” Roxie sat ramrod straight on her stood.

The door of the diner swung open. “Rox, you have to come right now.” Everyone turned to see Dottie standing there, red-faced. “Glynnis just collapsed in the boutique. She got a call. Roxie, the groom is dead.”