Terrance

"You look like hell," Wes announced as Alex picked at the napkin sitting beside his coffee mug.


"I haven't had a hell of a lot of sleep lately," Alex murmured, taking another sip of his coffee. He glanced at the mirrored tile wall over Wes's head as he said it and ran a hand through his black hair. It was too long and had started to curl on the collar of his pale green shirt. He noticed that his cheekbones looked a little more pronounced than normal and there were smudges under his dark blue eyes.


"Is it Terrance?"


Alex looked at Wes and nodded silently. He felt guilty talking about this to him, even though Wes had been his best friend since grade school.


"I thought Terrance had those voices under control."


"He does, or rather he did but..." Alex paused. "This time, it's different."


"Different, how?" Wes narrowed his eyes.


"I'm not really sure. It started about a week ago but... Terrance told me it's not like the regulars."


"Regulars." Wes shook his head. "Imagine having regular dead people dropping by to chat." He picked up his cup.


Alex rubbed at the stubble on his jaw. He hadn't bothered to shave today. He'd been too tired when he got out of bed. "He won't tell me much about this one."


"Alex, you know I love Terrance. Hell--" He reached over and touched his hand. "--I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for Terrance." A shadow crossed his face as he sat back.


Alex observed the silence between them. It had been close to a year since Wes had been abducted by a serial killer. He'd almost died. It had marked him, changed him even. In some way, Wes had come to appreciate life more, even become a better friend.


Terrance had found Wes by connecting his mind with a killer. He'd saved Wes's life as well as his. How could you ever repay someone for that? A ghost named Billy had brought Terrance into his life a little over a year ago. He'd be eternally grateful for that.


"I love him," Alex confessed. "I've never loved any man like this before, and all this talking to dead people scares the hell out of me. But I can't say too much, can't tell him how afraid I am."


"Why?"


"Because," he said with a sigh, "Terrance is always looking for an excuse to drive me away. He wants to prove himself right, prove I can't handle living with him."


"Can you," Wes asked, "handle it?"


Alex looked up at Wes sharply. "Of course... I mean--" He closed his eyes. "--it's not easy sometimes. I just wish he'd confide in me instead of withdrawing from me. Last night, he never came to bed, just sat up on the sofa all night."


"Didn't the other ones keep him up at night too?"


Alex shook his head. "Not like this one and he won't talk about it. He says it's all jumbled in his head. He's suffering, Wes, and I can't stand to see him like that. I can handle the fact that Terrance talks to the dead, or rather, they talk to him. What I can't handle--" Alex felt himself choke, "--is seeing his pain and not being able to do anything about it."


"Maybe some medication..."


"No, I don't want him taking those psychotic drugs again. They're no good for him. They make him groggy and well... it wreaks havoc on our sex life, which is absolutely mind-blowingly incredible." He managed to smile.


Wes shook his head. "TMI."


"Oh you with your TMI and FYI. Talk like normal people, will ya?" Alex laughed.


"Too much info," he emphasized.


"How many times have I had to listen to your sexual adventures with some big-breasted blonde?"


Wes sighed. "Okay, granted."


"It's just that Terrance has a lot of talent, in more ways than one." Alex winked.


"I hear you guys are particularly good at... you know... and you never did give my last girlfriend lessons."


"Never mind that."


"Just thought I could send a few of my new girls to you for lessons."


"A few? What are you now, a pimp? I'm not giving lessons to your girlfriends, Wes."


They were laughing. It felt good to laugh.


Alex sobered, thinking aloud. "Terrance is not psychotic."


"I know that," Wes confirmed.


"Every once in awhile, he says that... he says maybe it's true. He questions his own sanity."


"Wouldn't you, if you saw dead people?"


Alex nodded. "Probably."


"And there's nothing he can take to cut him off from this... entity who is talking to him now?"


"He doesn't really want to be cut off. He says he's cursed, but deep down, I think he knows he was given this... gift... for a reason. I think what happened last year really made him think about that a lot. You know, saving both our lives, connecting with that maniac when the police couldn't. Christ, Wes, he was able to get inside the mind of a killer and save people."


"I know, but heroes don't make ideal partners. What do you think?"


"Sometimes, I wish he was like every other man, but then he wouldn't be who he is."


"But can you live like this forever?"


Alex thought about that for a moment. He loved Terrance more than the world. The very thought of his smile turned him on, the way he woke up in the morning with his ashy-blond hair all tousled, and his cock... God, his cock had become Alex's obsession. "Everything was going so well for awhile. After the media stopped coming round, and those bloody networks ceased to hound him for interviews, he began writing a book about his experiences. My boss was very interested in publishing it. Now, he just sits around and stares at the wall. He doesn't sleep. He hardly eats. He hasn't made love to me in days."


"This will pass eventually and everything will go back to normal," Wes replied.


Normal? Is that possible with Terrance? I doubt it.