Sweet Surrender

Chapter 1


Derek assessed himself carefully in the mirror. He adjusted his tie, then fiddled with his dark hair for a moment, but decided it would be better not to touch it any more. The tie looked nice as it was, and once he left the mirror, he'd just never look in one again. If his hair was sticking up all over the place, he'd rather not know about it. He leaned in close to check for any blemishes that may have been hiding earlier. Nope, just his regular old face stared back at him. He stood straight and ran his hand down the lavender and gray paisley silk tie, second-guessing himself again. Maybe this was too dressy.

"Hey, pretty snazzy," Brenden said, entering the bathroom.

"Do you mind?" Derek said with mild annoyance. "I'm trying to get ready here."

They were only two years apart, both in college, and sharing a two-bedroom, one-bath apartment off campus. He and his brother were pretty tight, but sometimes Brenden was way too nosy.

"I just have to pee, jeez!" his younger brother complained. "The door was open, for chrissake."

"Fine," Derek grumbled before leaving the bathroom for the sanctuary of his bedroom.

He was contemplating his new shoes and whether he should have worn them around the apartment for a few days, when Brenden came in and flopped down onto the bed. "What are you so worried about?"

Derek gave him a cross look. "Who says I'm worried?"

"Jesus, you've been getting ready for two hours. You act like you've never been on a date before."

"Well… I haven't. Not for a long time."

"I know," Brenden said quietly. "Give yourself a break, dude. You know, you may not like him."

Derek huffed out an ironic laugh. "Not fuckin' likely. You saw his picture. He's totally hot."

"Yeah, and I'm lookin' at you. You look good, bro." Derek looked down at himself, not sure Brenden saw anything more than the older brother he loved and admired. Brenden heaved a huge sigh. "Why can't you see it?"

"What, that I'm a total dweeb?"

Brenden sat up quickly, his face angry and tight. "I thought we were all done with this shit! Fuck, Derek, you aren't a fat kid any more. Stop feelin' sorry for yourself, man. Look at how many responses you got from that ad."

"It doesn't matter how many I got. Most of those were just wanting sex."

"And how many of them were droolin' over that picture of you?"

"Who cares how I look, doofus? I gotta at least act like I know what to do on a date. What do I talk about? What if he wants to go to a club and dance? I hate dancing. I've spent most of my life hiding behind all that fat, and now that it's gone, I don't know what to do. I can't be the charming fat guy or the clown trying to make people laugh instead of stare."

"One thing you still are is obsessive compulsive," Brenden said with a grin. "What the fuck difference does it make if your shoes are too new?"

Derek cringed at Brenden's ability to see through him so easily.

"Go out and enjoy the dinner at least."

"But, what if…?"

"You're gonna 'what if' your life away. I thought you lost all that weight so you could go out and do the things you always wanted to do. Well… isn't this one of the things you've wanted? To find a boyfriend to treat you decent and not like shit?"

"Yeah," Derek admitted softly.

"So put your goddamn shoes on and get your ass moving, or you'll be late. You know how you hate when someone keeps you waiting."

"All right, all right," he said with a sigh, still feeling unsure and only slightly less dweebish. Maybe he could just leave the apartment for awhile, waste some time at one of the bookstores in town, and then come home and tell Brenden it was a bust. But once again, Brenden was two steps ahead of him.

"Look, man, if you don't go out with this guy, then you'll have to get your nerve up all over again the next time someone asks you out."

"You're right," Derek sighed as he stepped into his shoes. "Are you going to Shana's tonight?"

"Nope, she's coming over here."

"Why?" he asked, his voice bordering on a whine.

"C'mon, you know she loves you," Brenden said, still grinning. "It took all my charm to convince her we couldn't accidentally show up at the same restaurant as you guys."

"Oh Jesus," Derek said with a loud sigh and roll of his eyes.

"Look at it this way, if the date is terrible, you can have all the sympathy you want from Shana."

"Brenden," Derek complained. "C'mon. I don't want her asking thousands of questions, especially if it goes to shit. You're her boyfriend, can't you just tell her…?"

"We're talkin' about Shana here. Since when have I ever been able to tell her to do anything? Besides if you stay out late, maybe she'll fall asleep before you get back."

Under normal circumstances, Derek liked Shana a lot. She was good for Brenden, tempering his party-boy tendencies with her level head and her desire to do well in her own studies. However Derek was more of a private person. He wanted to keep this date for himself. Good, bad, or indifferent, it was going to be his date, and he didn't want people making it a big deal.

Of course that would have worked better if Derek hadn't been the main person making an issue out of the date in the first place. Brenden was right. Better go and get it over with, and then he could move on.

"Okay, guess I'll see you later, then," he said, carefully slipping his suit jacket off the hanger.

It didn't surprise him that Brenden followed him to the front door of their apartment. They didn't say anything. Derek just turned and gave him a small wave goodbye, Brenden countering with a thumbs up.

Derek drove to the small Italian restaurant unable to keep his thoughts away from Gerry. His date. The guy who had answered his personal ad. The one who… oh Christ, he had to stop this. Gerry was the only guy who had written more than Hey baby, I can show you a good time or something equally as lame. Gerry had filled his two paragraphs with enough details about himself to make Derek feel comfortable about responding back and included a photo. Gerry was thirty years old, eight years Derek's senior. He was self-employed, running a small landscaping business. After a few e-mail exchanges, they decided to meet. A public place, of course, and Gerry had suggested Lembo's.

Derek had never heard of the restaurant before but got the driving directions from the Internet several days ago. He had already done a test run, just to make sure he wouldn't get lost. Thankfully they also had their menu online, and he was able to pick out exactly what he should eat. He checked his watch after parking the car and saw that he was still a little early, leaving plenty of time to use the bathroom and wash the nervous sweat from his hands.

Looking down at the sink and the lather he worked up between his hands, he never once glanced into the mirror. After he dried his hands, he grabbed hold of the door handle and took a deep, cleansing breath. Everything was going to be fine. He was going to be fine. Another breath, and then he was out the door and up to the hostess's podium.

"Good evening, sir," a young, blonde, petite woman greeted him. Her smile seemed a bit forced, but Derek supposed he'd get tired of having to smile all the time, too, if he had to do it for his job.

"Hello," he said, returning the smile automatically. "I'm meeting someone, and I'm not sure if he's here yet." His heart started beating double-time, and he tried not to look past her and into the dining room.

"Are you Derek?"

"Yes," he said slowly, taken somewhat by surprise.

"Your party is waiting for you." Her smile now seemed warm and genuine. "Follow me, please."

She led the way to a small round table in the back of the restaurant as she politely chatted with him, asking how his day was and so forth. He answered absently as he took in his surroundings. He was pleased to see that the tables were not situated too close together, affording an intimate dining atmosphere. Gerry was already at the table looking over the menu and as they got closer to the table, Derek was relieved to see that the photo had been genuine. In fact, if anything, the picture didn't do him justice. Gerry was ruggedly handsome, with short-cropped brown hair.

Gerry must have heard their approach because he stood, a smile at the ready that showed off the dimples Derek already found irresistible. He hadn't lied about being tall, either. Derek was just shy of six feet, and Gerry only had a couple of inches on him.

"Thank you, Kimberly," Gerry said, his eyes still on Derek.

"Enjoy your meal, gentlemen. Your server will be with you in a few moments," Kimberly said before walking off.

"God, it's great to finally meet you," Gerry said, taking his seat again, gesturing for Derek to have a seat as well.

Derek did so, asking the only question that popped into his addled brain. "You know her?"

"Hmm? Who?" Gerry asked with confusion.

"The hostess," Derek said quietly, canting his head toward Kimberly's retreating form.

"No," Gerry answered with a grin. "Just read her nametag."

"Oh," Derek said, quickly looking down at his menu as he felt the heat creeping into his cheeks. He had trouble seeing the menu clearly, and he was so nervous, all his preparation was for naught. He couldn't remember his carefully chosen meal; the only thing running through his head right now was the fact that he was really here. And so was Gerry.

"I like your tie," Gerry said softly. The low timbre of Gerry's voice sent a tingle up Derek's spine, and he looked up quickly as his fingers fluttered around his tie. He now noticed that Gerry was dressed far more casually in just a white dress shirt, the top button left open.

"Uh, I just bought it," Derek confessed.

"For tonight?" Gerry asked, his voice raising a pitch and his eyebrows lifting in surprise, but the smile was friendly.

"I thought this place was more formal," he said, looking discreetly around at the other diners. Most were dressed up, but a few were in casual attire.

"I was pretty nervous, and afraid if I wore a jacket and a tie, I'd have sweated through the jacket in no time flat. Not a good first impression to be stinking up the joint, eh?" Gerry said with a chuckle.

Derek self-consciously wiped his hands slowly down his thighs. He didn't think Gerry was making fun of him, and he couldn't imagine Gerry being nervous about anything. He exuded confidence. Perhaps it was Gerry's way to make him feel comfortable.

"I needed a new suit anyway," Derek said with small smile as the waiter came to their table.

Derek quickly fished his glasses from the inside pocket of his suit and slipped them on as the waiter introduced himself as Paul. He took their order, Derek remembering his choices once he could actually read the menu. They decided to share a bottle of wine, and it gave Derek a little thrill to listen to Gerry question the waiter about their wine selection. Wine was one of the few alcoholic beverages Derek liked, and he was enjoying becoming quite the wine aficionado. It was nice to see that Gerry seemed to have some knowledge about it was well.

"You look good in those," Gerry said, his voice going low and deep again.

"Huh?" he said absently as he slipped his glasses back in his pocket.

"Your glasses."

"Oh, I only need them for reading and working on the computer. I'll probably need them for driving in a few years." He felt a little funny that Gerry liked seeing him wearing his glasses. Personally Derek hated them, and one of the first things he intended to do once he got some free time was to have corrective laser surgery.

Gerry studied him for a moment before asking, "So, you made it through all your finals okay?"

"Yes, thank God!" Derek said with a sigh of relief. In one of his e-mails to Gerry he stated that he'd feel like celebrating at the end of the week because he'd be done with school until the fall when he continued on with his studies. "Now I just have to get through graduation."

"Are your parents making a big deal of it, then?"

"Not really, I just hate all the crap that goes with it. The ceremony, all those people, and it's going to be outside. Besides I'm not really finished with school. I'll be going into the graduate program next."

"Really?" Gerry said, leaning in closer. "What's your field of study?"

"Architecture."

"That's great! I know a little about that, and I really admire you guys."

"You do?"

"Sure. All the math and drawing and shit. You have to know what a building can take structurally, and there's so much new technology to keep up on. You're going to help build beautiful things, Derek."

Derek was momentarily sidetracked by the sincerity in Gerry's voice. Most people didn't understand much about architecture, and the reaction he usually got when he told them about his field of study was a nod of the head and some type of non-committal word like cool. "You do the same with landscaping."

"Mine's a small business," Gerry said with a dismissive wave of his hand. "I do mowing and trimming, some planting. I don't come up with any plans or designs."

"I bet you do more than you think," Derek said as the waiter came back with their drinks. Paul presented the wine, opened it, and poured some for tasting. Once Gerry gave his final approval, Paul poured a glass for Derek, then filled up Gerry's glass, and with a promise of bringing their salads next, left the table.

"Well, let's just say what we do results in beautiful things," Gerry said with another smile, lifting his glass.

"I can agree with that," Derek said, lifting his glass in mutual respect for their creative professions.

They chatted about their plans for the upcoming summer while they waited for their salads. Derek would be interning at a local architectural firm and foregoing any vacation he might have had for the experience he would gain. The season would be busy for Gerry as well—as long as there was a good mixture of sun and rain.

Once their food came, Derek could feel Gerry's eyes on him as Derek carefully poured a small amount of dressing onto his salad.

"Health-conscious?" Gerry asked.

"Trying to be," he answered, sitting back slightly, feeling a little awkward about eating now.

"I need to be more like that."

"Are you kidding me?" Derek said incredulously. "You look good. I bet you don't a have an ounce of fat on you."

Gerry chuckled, saying, "If we weren't in a restaurant I'd lift my shirt and show you I can pinch more than an inch. I eat junk all the time, and I don't step foot in a gym. I probably need to lose a good twenty pounds."

"Don't say that," Derek said quietly, taking the cloth napkin from his lap and placing it on the table.

"Oh, trust me," Gerry continued, his voice filled with humor. "I am so…."

"Don't," Derek warned gravely, starting to feel queasy. "For God's sake, don't say that you're fat." Gerry set down his fork and looked at Derek with questioning eyes. "Sorry," Derek mumbled.

"No, I'm the one that's sorry," Gerry said softly. "I didn't mean to offend you."

"I know. It's just that… I was fat. In fact, the term morbidly obese was what my doctor told me. It took almost two years to get to this point," he said, gesturing toward himself.

"That's fantastic!"

"Not when you hate working out and you love junk food," Derek said with a small grin.

"I can imagine," Gerry said, his eyes still wide with surprise.

"Do you really think you're fat?"

After a moment's hesitation, Gerry confessed, "No. I just thought it might help you relax a little. You know, make fun of myself a little."

"You're the first date I've had in a long time," Derek said with a self-deprecating sigh. "Nothing would make me relax more than you being yourself. My brother had to practically toss me out of the apartment tonight."

"I'm glad he did," Gerry said, his smile returning.

Now that he'd gotten one of his most guarded secrets out in the open, Derek was able to ask his next question. "Why did you want to go out with me anyway? I was serious in my ad about wanting to find a relationship. I'm young, but I'm done with all the one-nighters and sleeping around."

"That's what I liked about you. Your ad made it sound like you had your head on straight, and we were looking for the same thing. I'm happy to hear you're all done with that sleeping around crap. It's not very fulfilling or safe."

"Very true. And you? Have you finished with all that?"

"A long time ago," Gerry assured him. "It was getting me absolutely nowhere."

Paul was back with their main course and it was nice to have the more serious conversation out of the way so they could relax and enjoy their food and each other's company.

They talked about a variety of subjects. Gerry told him about his mom, who had raised him on her own after his father took off when Gerry was five. He also told Derek how he was an average student, couldn't wait to get out of high school, having no desire for higher education. However, with dreams and aspirations to have a business of his own and needing the tools necessary to make it successful, he had enrolled in college by the time he was twenty-one. He'd had one serious relationship in his mid-twenties, but hadn't been ready for another one until now.

Derek countered with how his parents had been married since 1984 and had a pretty decent marriage. They had wanted children right away, but it took a few years before Derek was born, and then Brenden followed a couple of years later. Derek had always loved learning but was terrible at sports. He fell into bad eating habits and steadily gained weight from the first grade and all the way through high school. When he started having problems sleeping a couple of years ago, his mom was finally able to convince him to go to the doctor. He was diagnosed with sleep apnea and borderline diabetes. The doctor had been harsh with him, giving him the facts that could be his future, which could be cut tragically short if he didn't lose weight.

He'd had a couple of crap boyfriends, one in high school who demanded they keep their relationship a secret, which, at the time, wasn't a big deal for Derek because he hadn't yet come out to his family. And then he had another one when he started to lose weight. That guy was just a party boy and only interested in using Derek for three things: an apartment to crash at, a car to use at his disposal, and a body to use when he hadn't found a better offer. Unfortunately it took Derek awhile to figure that out, and that was after he'd already fancied himself in love with the guy. There was a lot of breaking up and getting back together before Derek was finally able to put that relationship to rest.

Once they had gone through the dinner course and lingered through dessert, they slowly drank some coffee. The crowd had thinned considerably, and Derek felt mildly guilty for tying up one of Paul's tables for the majority of the evening, possibly causing him to miss money he could make from other customers. He quietly shared his thoughts with Gerry.

"We'll just have to leave a good tip," Gerry said with a wink. They'd already agreed when they set the date up that they'd be going Dutch. It had made sense at the time—neither would feel any obligation toward the other.

Once they finished their coffee and paid the check, they stood to leave. Paul swung by their table one last time, giving them a wide smile and inviting them to come back soon. They walked side by side out to the parking lot, and Derek pointed to the green Escort. "That's me."

"I really enjoyed tonight," Gerry said as they walked to the car. "I'd like to do it again."

"Yeah, I would too," Derek admitted. He leaned his back against his car door, relaxed and feeling good about the evening and about Gerry.

Gerry dug into the back pocket of his trousers and pulled out a business card and handed it to Derek. It was slightly crinkled from being in Gerry's pocket and the warmth of it had Derek rubbing it between his fingers for a moment before actually reading the card. "Donnelly's Landscaping?"

"Not very original, I know," Gerry said with a grin and a shrug. "I wanted something easy for people to remember, and I figured if I used my last name it would help get a good place in the yellow pages without using some dumbass name with a bunch of A's at the beginning." The shared a laugh before Gerry turned serious. "Why don't you call or text me in a couple of days, and we'll set up something for next week?"

"Sounds good," he said with a nod as he slid the card into the same pocket as his glasses. He knew it would be safe there until he got home.

"Any fun plans for the weekend?"

Derek's heart sped up a little, thinking that maybe Gerry was going to ask him out again already. "No, just have to do laundry and get some groceries."

"Mmm," Gerry hummed sympathetically. "I've got to take advantage of the nice weather and get as many jobs done as possible."

"Do you work most weekends?"

"Usually in the mornings, but I like to try to keep at least my Sunday afternoons free. Just depends on what type of jobs I have lined up. Lots of yard clean-up from the winter and mulching this time of year."

"You do all that by yourself?"

"No, I have a couple guys that help me out."

"For some reason I got the impression that it was just you."

"It's a growing business, and I can't do it all myself any more. I don't really have employees. I just hire them as independent contractors since the work isn't steady enough to guarantee them full-time work."

"I hope you have good weather for the weekend, then."

"Thanks. You have fun doing all that laundry and shopping."

"Yeah, can't wait," Derek said with mock enthusiasm, then threw in, "Graduation's Sunday."

"Oh, the not a big deal graduation?"

"Yeah, that's the one," Derek said with a laugh. "I'll have to squeeze it in between all that laundry and shopping."

Gerry joined in the laughter for a moment, but sobered quickly and seemed to be searching Derek's face for something. He must have found it, because he moved in closer, straddling Derek's leg as he whispered in his ear, "I wanna kiss you."

Derek's stomach dropped, and his breath came out in a whoosh. The heat from Gerry's body was hitting him in such a delicious and welcome way. He hadn't felt the warmth of another body in such a long time. His mouth went dry, and he tried to swallow, but was having trouble doing anything at the moment. He didn't think he could form the words if he tried.

"That okay?" Gerry's whispered question made Derek glad he had something solid behind him because he felt boneless.

"Yeah," he managed to croak out.

Gerry moved his head back a few inches and their eyes met. Then Gerry's eyes dropped back down to Derek's mouth. He felt Gerry's hand cupping the back of his head, and his eyes fell closed just as Gerry's lips descended on his. It was a gentle kiss, with Gerry's tongue tracing a hot, wet trail over Derek's lips before dipping into Derek's mouth so their tongues brushed lightly. Derek moved his hands to Gerry's hips to anchor himself, for he felt sure he was going to slide down the car and become a puddle at Gerry's feet. Gerry's lips gently sucked and nibbled, and although the rest of Derek's body felt like mush, at least one part of him was hard. And he was ready for more. So much more.

Gerry broke the kiss a moment later and leaned his head against Derek's. "I gotta go," he whispered, his voice full of desire and need.

"Yeah, me too," Derek agreed, but neither moved.

"I really want to see you again."

"You will," Derek promised.

Gerry moved back and slowly slid his hand from the back of Derek's neck. Derek felt Gerry's fingers gently glide over his cheek and his thumb brush over his still-parted lips. "G'night," Gerry said as he started walking backward a few steps.

"Night," he said, wishing the night didn't have to end, but knowing it needed to, at least for now. He watched Gerry turn and walk to a big black pick-up truck at the front end of the lot. Gerry waved goodbye before jumping into the truck and starting it. Hearing the roar of the engine finally got Derek moving. He lifted his hand, gave a small wave, and got into his car.

Derek wasn't able to keep his thoughts from going back to Gerry and their evening together, so the drive home seemed like it was almost nothing. He was dreading going inside in case Brenden and Shana were still awake. He opened the apartment door quietly and was relieved to see the living room was empty, with only a small light burning to welcome him home. Toeing off his shoes at the door, he picked them up, snapped off the lamp, and made his way to his bedroom. He'd just gotten his jacket off when a soft knock sounded at his door.

"Go to bed, Shana," he said with quiet authority.

"How'd you know it was me?"

"Brenden would've just come in," he said as he loosened his tie.

"Please, just let me come in for a minute. I won't be able to sleep at all wondering how it went."

"All right," he sighed, opening the door for her.

Shana looked him over carefully a minute before emitting a high-pitched squeal, throwing her arms about him. "You liked him."

"How do you know?" he asked, her happiness and excitement for him making him smile.

"Because you look… different." She backed away from him, gesturing wildly with her hands. "Are you going to see him again?"

"I think so."

"Oh my God! I'm so happy for you." Quickly hugging him again, she continued, "Promise me you'll tell me all about it over breakfast."

"I promise to tell you some of it over breakfast."

Her eyes and her smile widened. "Oooh, secrets. It must've been good! Okay, sweetie, I'll leave you alone now." She kissed him on the cheek and headed back out the door. Derek was thankful that Brenden was the one that would have to deal with her the rest of the night.

After he hung up his suit and threw his shirt in with the rest of the dirty clothes, he got into bed, realizing he was still smiling.