Riding Through Fire

Jeff can't keep himself from going over to the house.
That's not really true, though. He could stop, if he wanted to. He just really, really doesn't want to. He knows he's being stupid, or maybe something worse than that, but he also knows that he feels good when he's with Evan. Better than good. Better than he's felt in a long time.
There's something about the kid, something sweet and pure, something strong that Jeff can see even through all the flirting and teasing. Jeff's known him since he was in grade school, and that's what makes all of this so… questionable. But Evan is no longer the chubby little boy he was when Jeff first met him. He's a man. A young man, and the son of Jeff's best friend. Damn it! Jeff needs to get a grip on this. Evan's a flirt, and he's got a lot to flirt with, but that doesn't mean that Jeff has to respond, doesn't mean that Jeff has some sort of excuse for acting like a teenager with a damn crush. Nothing's happened, and nothing is going to happen, and if Jeff keeps letting himself get caught up in it all, he's just setting himself up for frustration.
He's already arranged this visit; Alex and Karen are expecting him, and he can't very well call and tell them that he's going to cancel because he's not sure he can trust himself around their sexy son. Their sexy twenty two year-old son. Their sexy twenty two year-old son who smiles at Jeff like they're the only ones who know a fantastic secret, who runs his hands along Jeff's back when they exchange their ritual hugs of greeting, stopping just short of Jeff's ass, but still close enough for the idea to be crystal clear. That son.
So Jeff'll go to dinner, and maybe Evan won't have come home from school for the occasion, maybe he won't be there (although Jeff knows damn well that he will be, nudging knees and leaning over Jeff's shoulder and strutting around half-naked by the pool, his golden skin glowing in the sun). Jeff will make it through one more night of temptation, and then he'll just avoid the damn problem. Alex works in the city, and Karen spends a lot of time there too. There's no reason Jeff can't maintain his friendship with them over dinners in restaurants, or barbecues in Jeff's back yard, or any damn thing that doesn't involve their son and his laughing hazel eyes.
Jeff turns the wheel and eases the car onto the driveway. The house is set well back from the road, with some meadows and a little forested area to drive through before the residence is even visible, and he takes the time to collect himself. He's a grown damn man, not some hormonal teenager.
He can tell something's wrong as soon as he pulls up to the house. There are too many cars, including a police cruiser, and there's a small cluster of people loitering out on the porch, looking anxious and awkward. Whatever it is, it's big, and Jeff feels his stomach drop, and then tighten. He doesn't so much park as he just stops driving and turns the ignition off, and then he jerks out of the car, striding towards the house as his eyes fall on Alex's assistant. She's crying, but she sees him coming and steps towards him.
"Sam?" he manages. "What is it?" They both know what he means. Who is it? There's no answer that isn't a tragedy.
Sam takes a deep breath and grabs Jeff's arms at the elbows. He raises his hands and returns the grip; he's not sure if he's supporting her or if he's going to start shaking her if she doesn't talk soon. Her voice is ragged when she speaks. "Alex and Karen. They…they were driving back from the city. There was…." But she's crying too hard to finish. Jeff doesn't think he needs to hear any more, but he guesses he needs to be sure.
He looks over to the others on the porch, and his eyes meet those of the police officer. "They're both…." Jeff can't quite say the word.
The cop nods carefully. "I'm sorry. They were airlifted to the city, but there were no vital signs at the scene, and the hospital was unable to resuscitate them."
There are more questions that need to be asked, details that need to be agonized over, but Jeff hasn't got time for that. "Evan? And Tat?" Jesus, Tatiana. Nine years old.
Sam nods towards the door. "They're inside. They needed some time alone, but… I think they'd want to see you."
Jeff isn't sure about that, but he'll give the kids the option, in case they need him. He feels numb, like he's still not quite accepting what's happened, and maybe that's not a bad thing. Maybe he'll be able to stay calm, and give the kids what they need, if he can keep from thinking about his own loss, the death of his two best friends, the tragic waste of such vibrant lives.
He knocks gently on the front door and then pushes it open. All of the earlier anticipation he'd felt is gone, and he feels only a cold sense of dread. His pain will be nothing compared to theirs.
There's no sign of anyone, and Jeff isn't sure if he should intrude, isn't sure if he'll be wanted. But he doesn't like the thought of the kids being alone, and he's pretty sure Alex and Karen would have wanted him to at least offer to help. He thinks for a second, then heads for the kitchen. It's a huge room, the work area at one end, a big rustic table at the other, with a wood-burning fireplace on the wall. It's the heart of the home, the site of so many happy memories, and Jeff can imagine the kids seeking comfort there.
He taps his fingers against the door to the kitchen and goes through it, and he sees Evan sitting on the rug in front of the fireplace, his arms wrapped around Tat, rocking them both back and forth. Evan looks up, his face tear-stained and young, so young, and Jeff feels a flush of shame for his earlier impure thoughts. But this isn't about him, it's about Evan and Tat; Jeff can beat himself up later. For now, he walks carefully towards them, and Evan's face crumbles a little and then a little more. Poor kid has just lost his parents, and he's been trying to keep it together, trying to stay strong for Tat. So Jeff is needed.
He eases down onto the floor next to them, and Tat notices him for the first time and flings herself at him, her arms wrapping tight around his neck as she sobs into his shoulder. Jeff bends one arm around her, hugs her back, and with the other he reaches out and grips Evan's shoulder. But the Kaminskis are not a reserved family, and Evan doesn't restrain himself, just edges in against the side of Jeff that isn't busy with Tat and wraps his own arms around Jeff, holding on like Jeff's a life buoy in a stormy sea.
They stay like that for a long time, and Jeff's tears flow down to join all the others.