Rednecks 'n' Roses

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An Excerpt From: REDNECKS ?N? ROSES

?
Copyright JUDY MAYS, 2004.

All Rights Reserved, Ellora's Cave, Inc.

Chapter One

?You got fucked.?

Amber blinked, burped, then reached
for her glass. ?No I didn?t. I got a house and over a hundred acres of
land.?

Tequila, lime juice and ice sloshed as Mandi mixed another pitcher of margaritas. ?In fricking Juniata
County. Do you
realize how far away from civilization that is? It?s the middle of
nowhere.?

Amber shook her head. ?It?s only an hour away from Harrisburg.? The room
started to spin and she closed her eyes.

An ice cube bounced off the table and skidded across
the kitchen floor.

?Harrisburg!
What the hell is there to do in Harrisburg
when all your friends are in Philadelphia?
How can you be so?so easygoing? You should be pissed as hell that Frank got
all that money. Shit, he?s a fricking engineer.
I?ll say it again. You got fucked.?

Amber gulped down the last swallow in her glass.
Warmth rolled through her veins. She felt so good! Why did Mandi keep harping on and on about Aunt Ernestine?
Could she be right?

Amber held out her glass. ?You really think so??

Nodding, Mandi poured both
of them another drink. ?Shit yeah. Your Aunt Ernestine was a real bitch not
to leave you any money.?

At first Amber watched Mandi?s
head go up and down but it made her dizzy so she stared at the drink Mandi had poured instead. It sure was a pretty yellow
color?all soft and pale like a gentle spring sun. Then she frowned. Aunt
Ernestine had hated any color except gray, brown, white or black. How could
normal people hate pretty colors? Maybe Mandi was
right. ?She was a bitch, wasn?t she? But Mandi, I
didn?t expect her to leave me anything in her will, so how can I be
disappointed??

?Christ, Amber. Would you stop being so nice!? Mandi picked a particularly bright fuchsia pillow up
off the floor and threw it at an equally colorful purple sofa. ?You got
fucked?royally. You went to that bitch?s house three or four times a week
to run her errands, drag her wherever she wanted to go or see if she needed
anything. And how does she thank you? By leaving all her money to your
asshole cousin.?

Amber swallowed more of her drink. Hmmm, but it tasted
good. ?Asshole cousin Frank,? she agreed. Frank was an asshole. And his
wife was a stuck-up snob.

?He?s getting money that belongs to you.?

Amber stared at the tiny, white salt crystals hugging
the rim of her glass. One of those itty-bitty umbrellas, a bright orange or
green one, would really look nice in it.

?Are you listening to me, Amber.
Frank got your money.?

Still smiling at her glass, Amber shook her head and
repeated, ?Nope. Not my money. I knew Aunt Ernestine wouldn?t leave me any
so why should I be disappointed??

Mandi gaped. ?Why? Because
you?re the one who took care of the old tightwad for the last three years.
Because you?re almost broke. You got downsized out of your job two months
ago, remember??

That reminder momentarily cleared Amber?s mind. ?How
could I forget?? She gulped the rest of her drink and held out her glass.
?More.?

Mandi poured. ?Your aunt
knew that. Did she ever offer to help you? To even pay for gas when you ran
her errands??

Squinting as she swayed in her chair, Amber stared at
the blur that was her friend. Mandi was making
more and more sense. Aunt Ernestine never did offer to help her. Hell, she
rarely ever said ?thank you?. ?You?re right. She was a bitch, a stingy,
penny-pinching, sour-faced bitch.?

Mandi grinned. ?Now you?re
talking.?

Another swallow. Amber hiccuped.
?Tight-fisted, dried-up old biddy.?

Mandi nodded. ?She treated
you like dirt.?

Blinking, Amber concentrated harder on her friend?s
face?both of them. ?Did I ever tell you what she thought of my stories??

Mandi tossed back a shot of
tequila and almost fell out of her chair. She grabbed the table and
steadied herself. ?No, you never did.?

Leaning forward, Amber leaned her elbows on the table.
They slipped off; she caught herself and planted them more firmly. In a low
voice she said, ?She called them ?dirty? books. She said I was ?lacking
morals? and that decent people would be offended by what I was writing.?
She frowned. ?Are you offended by what I write, Mandi??
She belched a deep belch.

After answering Amber?s belch with one of her own, Mandi gulped another shot. ?Your aunt was a
narrow-minded prude and a sanctimonious bitch. Hard to believe she was ever
married. Bet she did it with the lights out, wearing a high-necked,
long-sleeved nightgown, missionary position with her eyes screwed shut,
stiff as a board until your uncle was finished. She wouldn?t know good sex
if it bit her in the ass. So what if your stories have a little sex in
them. Sex sells.?

Amber giggled. ?Maybe Uncle Henry should have bitten
her in the ass.?

Pale yellow liquid squirted across the table as Mandi tried to swallow and laugh at the same time.

Nodding, Amber grabbed the bottle and poured a shot of
tequila?and got most of it in the glass. ?Yep, he should have bitten her in
the ass. She called me a ?loose woman?, you know.? Amber lifted the shot
glass and tossed its contents into her mouth. After an involuntary shake,
she continued. ?Me! A loose woman. Ha! I haven?t had a date in six months,
let alone sex. The last time I had sex was with that investment banker I
was dating last year.?

Wiping away the liquid she?d snorted out of her nose, Mandi grabbed the bottle from Amber and poured herself
another shot. ?Oh yeah, Mini-dick, right??

Amber nodded. ?Yep, good, old Mini-dick. Mini-est dick in the East. His dick would slip out every
time he?d really start pumping. Most unsatisfying sex I ever had.? She
sighed. ?The last sex I ever had.?

Giggling, Mandi poured,
missed her glass, and tequila rolled across the table. ?You sure do attract
the losers. Remember Buggy
Cal??

Amber watched the stream of tequila cascade down over
the side of the table and splash onto the floor. Did it always splash
straight back up again? She swayed to the left then caught herself and
focused on Mandi. ?Well shit, I didn?t know he
collected bugs until after we?d been dating for a couple of months.?

Finally managing to fill her shot glass, Mandi shook her head?and swayed from one side of her
chair to the other. ?Amber, Amber, Amber. You should have known when he
wouldn?t kill that spider for you.?

?Spiders! Yuk.? Shuddering, Amber leaned forward and
lowered her voice. "Did I ever tell you he had this huge spider he
kept as a pet? He wanted me to hold it! Can you believe it? Me? Hold a
spider? Ha! That's the last time he saw me. I was out that door so fast he
didn't know what happened."

Guffawing, Mandi
finger-combed her hair back from her face then lifted the pitcher and
poured another margarita into Amber?s glass. ?Here, have another drink.?

Amber picked up her glass, sipped, and swirled the delicious
liquid around her mouth. Mmmmmmmmm. Mandi definitely knew how to make good margaritas. How
many pitchers had they drunk? And when was the last time they had something
to eat? She swallowed some more and giggled. Liquid dribbled down her chin
and splattered her blouse.

Mandi blinked a few times.
?Did we have anything to eat today??

Tilting her head to the side, Amber grinned. ?Nope.
You dragged me home right after the reading of the will and starting mixing
drinks and pouring shots.?

Mandi grinned back. ?Oh
yeah. Want me to make another pitcher??