Peter and the Wolf

"Peter! For Christ's sake! What are you doing now?" Will shouted, slapping the book he was reading down onto his knees.

A disembodied voice floated up the stairs and into the bedroom. "I'm just watering the plants in the hall, they're looking a bit dry. I won’t be long."

"You said that half an hour ago when you were 'just' locking up and taking out all the plugs. I've read nine chapters of this God-awful Space Wolf novel since then, and I still haven't discovered how wolf-men ended up in space."

"It can't be that awful, not if you've read nine chapters of it," said the disembodied voice reasonably, adding, "anyway, you can’t possibly have read nine chapters, not in half an hour. You must have just skimmed it, you always do that and it's cheating. No wonder you miss important details. It's probably explained how the wolf-men got into space and you've skipped over it. Go back and read it properly."

"Peter, are you actually coming up tonight, because I'm already up and I want to be down, on you, preferably before my vigour goes the way of all things and turns to dust."

"And the Barry Manilow Prize for romantic lyric of the year goes to William Jones for his lovely song: wanna go down on you before my vigour is through."

Despite his irritation Will smiled, calling, "come up to bed, smart arse."

"I'm nearly done now. I’m just cleaning the stained glass panel in the front door and then there’s the Yucca in the living room to water."

Yucca! Will sighed and picked up the garish novel again, resuming where he’d left off, with the hero trying to prevent his inner wolf letting loose a long howl at an inopportune moment. It failed to hold his interest. He closed the book, reading the heading on the front cover, which stated: 'In The Grim Darkness Of The Far Future There Is Only War!' He had to admit that it did indeed sound rather grim, but as long as there was sex, as well as war, it might not be too bad. The hairs on the back of his neck rose as he heard the unmistakeable drone of the hoover coming from downstairs. Whereas in his case, In The Grim Darkness Of The Here And Now There Was Only Housework... and no sex!

Resisting a primeval urge to gallop downstairs and drag his partner back up them by the scruff of his neck, he flopped back on his pillows, covering his face with the book.