Men in Shorts

Kate’s jaw ached. The last time it hurt like this had been after a mammoth smooching session with her first boyfriend. Ten years ago. She’d been fifteen and they’d been hiding behind the bike sheds of their London school. Sadly, the current ache had nothing to do with kissing.

The moment she’d been levered into the orange monstrosity that masqueraded as a bridesmaid’s dress, she’d been forced to smile. Her hair had been tweaked into a style she hated. Smile. Her shoes pinched her toes. Smile. She hadn’t smiled nine months ago when her boyfriend Pete had been bewitched by her friend Jennifer – the definition of friend was still under review. But the smile was back in place today while the pair married. Kate even smiled when bastard Pete thanked her in his speech for bringing him and Jennifer together. She’d smiled harder when Pete caught her alone in the corridor and tried to give her a drunken kiss. Laughing it off didn’t work. The knee in the crotch did.

As the other five bridesmaids cooed over their gifts of jewelry, Jennifer handed Kate a foot-long narrow package. “A special gift for you.”

Kate forced a laugh from somewhere when she saw what was inside. Then Jennifer gave her one of her looks, one that made Kate feel there was an undercurrent she hadn’t quite grasped.

“Now you’ll have a man in your life,” Jennifer said.

Kate stared at the toy in her hands: a dark-haired male doll wearing nothing but a pair of denim shorts. Exactly what Pete had been wearing when he’d opened Kate’s apartment door to find Jennifer prancing around in her underwear.

“It’s the best I can do,” Jennifer said and smiled.

Kate’s jaw was locked into an inane grin.

She couldn’t even let her smile drop in the cab on the way home to Lewisham. The driver was a relative of Pete’s. Only after she’d slammed the door of her apartment and shut out the world did Kate let her shoulders drop and her head fall.

She kicked off her shoes and sighed. It was over. She’d promised long ago she’d be Jennifer’s bridesmaid and she’d kept her word. If only Jennifer had kept the promise they’d made about not stealing each other’s guys.

Kate looked at the doll in her hand. GI Joe. He was cute. Square jaw, dark eyes, strong nose and an impressive ripped physique, if a little cold and stiff. The only imperfection was a scar under his right eye. Kate rubbed his shorts with her thumb, impressed with the miniature stitching and the little studs. She wondered if he was anatomically correct. Unfastening tiny buttons, she eased the shorts over his firm backside and smiled. The first genuine one of the day. A smooth mound. No wedding tackle. Poor asexual Joe. Not the sort of guy she needed.
She opened her closet and tossed him inside. Kate needed to fix the light in there. Maybe Joe would do it for her. She threw herself back on her bed, beat down the suffocating layers of orange netting that flew up and closed her eyes. She wished she had a guy to come home to, wished she’d had one at the wedding to sit next to, wished –
The thump was so loud Kate jolted upright. She held herself taut, waiting for another sound but heard only the clock ticking her life away. It sounded as though the noise had come from inside her closet. Maybe a rail had broken or a shelf had given way and tossed her clothes to the carpet. The end to a perfect day.