Love's Blessings

Janelle had cried herself to sleep the night before and hadn't even said her prayers. Maybe God wasn't listening to her. Her faith slipped further away from her as her own needs grew to a frightening crescendo. Every day that took her further away from her dream of a child, every time she took a test that came back negative, a little piece of her died. What kind of God would allow such heartache?

Of course, rationally, Janelle knew that God did not work that way, that her God was not a vengeful God, but right now rational thought didn't work. First, the infertility problems, and now her husband had walked out.

Janelle had no idea where Kevin had gone the night before, nor where he had stayed. He hadn't called. He always called. This distance between them had only started after their third round of treatment, or maybe it was their second, she couldn't recall anymore. When the only thing on her mind was an all-encompassing desire to become pregnant, casual talk and touching base took a backseat. The only things occupying her date book were cycle notes, medication, and doctors 'appointments. She remembered pulling away from Kevin after one of the transfers and staying in bed for two days with her body at a certain angle, just to try anything to make sure "this time" it would work.

Janelle headed to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee before trying Kevin's cell again. It went straight to voice mail, again. Passing the living room, she noticed a pillow on the floor, stepped in to pick it up. Kevin must have come home and slept on the couch. There were blankets draped haphazardly on it and it looked slept on. At least she knew he'd been safe.

In the kitchen, Janelle found coffee already made and a note on the counter beside her mug.

J - I love you, but I'm not sure what to do anymore. I think you need to take some time to think about where our future lies, regardless of whether there is a baby in it. This is no way to live our lives. I'm going to stay at my brother's for a few days. I think that will give us some time to calm down and think rationally. At least, I hope so. K.