Funny Valentine

“Well, it won’t matter,” Margie said. “When I got your message yesterday, I hooked you up.

Wait, wait a damn minute. What did she say?

“Say that again?”

“I hooked you up.” Margie shrugged. “I figure if you can’t get it right, I’ll have to do it for you.”

“You have lost your mind.”

She waved me off. “You know Ben who bowls with Chuckie?”

“Ben? Three-finger Ben?”

Margie shoots me a look from over her shoulder. “He’s missing thumbs. The man has a disability, Tia. He has his other fingers, though. And if he and can still bowl atop 200 on average, that means he knows how to use what he got… to hit what he wants.”

“He’s fifty or sixty!”

“He’s forty-five, don’t exaggerate.” She dried her hands on her apron. “And that’s just ten years older than you.”

“I won’t have you setting me up, Margie.”

“Too late. This is Sherry’s wedding and Valentine’s Day. I got people from all over the family coming here. They won’t be ’round here whispering about poor Tia who still ain’t married.”

“C’mon, what year is it, 1820?”

“You will have a date,” Margie said in that voice that none of us question.

“What’s all the yelling for?” Chuckie says, coming though the back door to the kitchen. He holds it wide to allow Melvin’s crew’s delivery of fresh flowers. Immediately, the little devil on my shoulder whispers in my ear. A new plan is hatched.

“I don’t need your fix-up because I have a date. Melvin and I are seeing each other.”
Melvin stops. He eyes me. Not like a man surprised. Just curious. I don’t really know him from the neighborhood. Sherry and I went to private school. But the others do. He’s from around the way; I think he was adopted by a black family or something. He’s also tight with my brother in-law. I give him the best smile I can. Margie blinks at our florist and Chuckie glares as if betrayed.

Melvin clears his throat. “Say what?”

“Don’t be shy,” I say, going over to stand by him. He’s tall, handsome in that homegrown kind of way. Could stand a manicure. His hands are always jacked. But the clear, green beauty of his eyes would give any girl pause. Yep, Melvin will do for the sake of argument. ’Cause I have every intention of winning this one with Margie.

Melvin’s that out-doorsy kind of guy––blue collar and all. Not my type. I like my men a little refined. Definitely. Last time I had a man he was uptight and boring and the best part of the relationship was the ending. With my accomplishments, I need to be equal to my partner. That’s why I’m so picky.

Melvin’s aftershave is fresh, though, and hell, he can play along. I shoulda thought of this months ago. His green eyes focus on me. Standing this close with the smell of roses coming off his skin, I notice how beautiful they are. Then a smirk turns up the corner of his mouth as he reads my silent plea. A very secretive smirk.

“This true, Melvin? You seeing my sister?” Margie asked.

“Ah, yeah… we’ve been dating,” he says and runs a hand down my back to rest at the base of my spine, just at the rise of my ass. What the hell? I move a little and his hand drops, with a not-so-innocent brush that makes me tense. I cut my eyes at him. He smirks. His two workers stop and look over at us, surprised.

Hell, it’s my lie, so I own it. Flashing my sister a thousand-watt triumphant smile, I go for it. “There you have it. Got my man right here. So no need for the hook-up.”

****


“Melvin, I didn’t know you were interested in my sister?” Margie asks, a hint of skepticism in her voice.

“Me either.” Chuck’s frown deepens. This I understand. The ladies don’t know about my past, but Chuck does. Too many beers at poker night got a man talking when he should just be fitting in. So he knows the whole sordid story, not just the one put out on the street when Nicky got capped and it all went wrong. Funny thing is, I grew up not far from their neighborhood. Irish boy adopted by a black family learned quick how to get down and hang with the toughest. Though moms and pops treated me as their own, it was hard gaining street cred. That’s how Nicky got hurt. Me trying to prove my worth, and not looking out for my little brother. Broke my mother’s heart. Nicky was her birth child. Though she never made that distinction, I did. And it keeps me up at night still.

“Oh, don’t make a big deal out of it.” Tia dismisses them, snapping the bubble of thoughts and questions hovering over my head. She moves away from me, leaving nothing but the faint sexy smell of that nameless perfume behind. “We just started dating. I didn’t want to mention it yet ’cause of John.”

John? Who’s John? Is he her boyfriend?

What have I stepped into? Why did I even jump into it? Well, I know the why. It’s her. She could have accused me of serial murder and I would have confessed. Now I have a window of opportunity. I could be a jerk and work it to my advantage, or I could be a man and work it to my advantage. Either way I’m going to work it to my advantage.

She looks back at me, and that smile. Hell, they should bottle it and sell it for Valentine’s Day.

“Melvin and I will be going to the wedding together. Did you get your tux? Oh wait, that’s right. You can’t go,” she said with a fake pout.

“Really?” I say smiling. She’s good… damn good.

“Why can’t he go?” Margie asked. “Melvin, you should come. Jackson would want to meet you.”

“Well, I’d be happy to—”

“He can’t come because it’s Valentine’s Day. You know that’s the biggest delivery day for him. Right, Melvin?” She’s nodding her head as if I’m supposed to agree. Well, fuck that. Little Miz Cutie thinks she’s got it all worked out. This oughta be fun.

“Wrong.”

Tia’s smile fades.

“Excuse me?”

“I have Alejandro here…”

Alejandro is carrying flowers through the entryway and gives me a puzzled look. His bushy eyebrows draw together and his eyes bounce over the staring faces. He has never had the responsibility of running the show on a big delivery day. Everyone knows that I don’t let them get away with that. But this time… well for her, and a chance to get really close to the fantasy, I’ma let it ride.

“I have my tux already, sweetheart,” I say looking her over. “I’ll be right by your side.” Giving her a wink, my chest kind of swells as my eyes keep going to those sweet-sweet hips of hers nicely tucked in that lucky skirt. She goes pale. Caught in her lie, she looks between me and her family.

“Well, uh…”

I reach for her hand and she frowns, her eyes lit with alarm.

“Besides, it’s Valentine’s Day. Do you really think we’d spend it apart?” I press a kiss into her palm, then pull her over toward me. She comes reluctantly into my arms. I’m hugging her from behind; with her facing her family, she’s forced to submit. For my part, I take the time to put to memory every single curve of her sweetness pressed into me. The cushion of her ass and the soft feel of her body are now burned into my brain. And what’s that she’s wearing? Oughta ask her, ’cause it’s fucking with my senses big-time. I know my scents… can tell you the difference between the bitter fragrance of newly bloomed orchids or the vanilla-crisp smell of a grown lily. Moms always said I had a nose, told me when I started picking out flowers in her shop as a little boy, that I could smell God. Well I think it’s true, ’cause I have an angel in my arms.

“We will be there,” I manage, then groan a little in her ear. It’s hard not to laugh, man. She’s all tight like she wants to knee me in the crotch.

Margie stares at us both. For a minute the silence is a bit awkward and I fear our cover is blown. Then her sister lets go a squeal of delight.

“I love it! I love it! You two look so cute together. I can’t wait to tell Pam and Alicia. Don’t they look cute together?”

Chuck is giving me the eye. The man’s a big one, and not to be pushed around. He’s also been a friend the past few months since the robbery. We both were hit by the same junkie. I think he can see through our lie.

“Yeah, well it’s definitely unexpected,” he mumbles.

She wiggles out of my hold and I have to let her go. Fixing her skirt, she doesn’t look back at me, but I can feel the frost coming off her like icicles. Margie comes over and cups her face.

“Look at you, you’re blushing. I thought that asshole had broken my baby’s heart but she has a new prince.” Margie looks to me when she speaks. “Girl, you so good at keeping secrets. Let me go and on and you seeing Melvin.”

“Margie…”

She turns back to me. “We have a dinner tonight for both families here. I want you here. Okay? It’s at seven.”

“I’ll be here.”

Tia cuts her eyes at me and I can tell I’ve really played this wrong. Here I am, thinking she’d get a kick out of it. Those daggers flying my way look like she wants to kick my ass instead.