Table of Contents


Jack and the Peenstalk by Clancy Nacht

The Rebelliously Single Prince by Lenore Black

Cry Wolf by Mercy Loomis

Kintaro by S.J. Frost

Ashes and Crystal by Jason Rubis

Handsome and Grateful by Kilt Kilpatrick

Swan Made by Mina Kelly

King’s Honor by JL Merrow

The Merman’s Tail by Jay Di Meo




Introduction

Once upon a time. As children, those four words told us we were about to enter a brand-new world: scarier, happier, more enchanted than our everyday life. No matter our own particular expectations and experience with fairy tales, we knew we were in for a wild ride. Handsome princes would save beautiful damsels in distress and the ogres never got the girl.
Perhaps in our own stories, or in our own lives, we aren’t quite satisfied with those happily-ever-afters. What sound-minded prince would choose any of those airheaded bosomy blondes that populate familiar animated versions of the original, much darker, and more ominous tales made famous by the Brothers Grimm?
Not to mention, fairy tales were often used as bedtime stories.
Well, put all that behind you and prepare for a new type of fairy tale. Not only are they guaranteed to get you into bed—though not for sleep—you won’t find a single of those old-fashioned stereotypical characters.
Instead enter a world where a magic cock ring can grow into a mighty peenstalk, or an unhappy shepherd can meet the sexiest wolf imaginable. A Japanese youth with the strength of a bear finds himself weak in the face of a beautiful samurai, and a young man in a ball gown can charm a prince to distraction. These are but a few of the adventures that await you, once upon a time…
EM Lynley
September 2009



Jack and the Peenstalk
by Clancy Nacht

Once upon a time, in a suburb not very far away, there was a young man named Jack. He was unemployed due to the economic downturn and the fact that he'd majored in philosophy, which had only qualified him to be a barista in the first place—and now Starbucks was cutting back. He lived with his mother in a house that was too big and too expensive, because she'd applied for and gotten a loan she could not afford even before she lost all of her money in the tanking stock market.
"Jack, Jack, we have to do something. The bank is going to foreclose!" His mother’s voice woke him with a start.
She stood in the doorway of his bedroom, a bejeweled hand waving an official-looking piece of paper. It had to be around noon, given the quality of light. He didn't even remember when he'd gone to bed.
"I can go see if the temping agencies have anything for me." As far as he was concerned, a job was just a lot of work, the thought of which made him tired. It reflected in his tone.
She smacked him on the side of the head with the foreclosure notice, ruffling his golden hair. "What would you do for a temping agency? You don't have any useful skills! You majored in philosophy. No one needs a philosopher these days!"
He held up his hand to stop the beating. “Ow, stop that! I'm enlightened. I understand the great truths of the human spirit now. Plus, the dean of that college was really hot."
"Oh, Jack." She sat at the foot of his bed and buried her face in her hands. "If only you'd stuck with him. He was wealthy. We could've lived in his mansion!"
"Pfft." Jack held up a pinkie. "He may have had money, but he was deficient beneath the belt. I cannot be expected to live that way."
"Useless!" She shook her head in her hands. "You're completely useless and we're going to end up on the streets."
Frowning, Jack sat up next to her, rubbing the crust from his eyes before looking at her again, or more specifically, the giant diamond ring on her hand. "We could sell that."
"What?" She looked up to see what Jack was eyeing. Realizing what he meant, she held out her hand to examine it. "My... my Precious?"
"I really regret letting you watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy with me.”
Pursing her lips, she appeared to consider Jack’s suggestion, then finally pulled the ring off. "I guess it's okay to sell it. I really only married your father for the money. He was pretty"—she held up her pinkie—"too."
Jack took the three-carat diamond solitaire from her and held it up to the light streaming in through his bedroom window, feeling smug about his own generous member. "Thank God that wasn't a trait I inherited."