Facebook Glynis Kirby


Status Update—May 24


Glynis Kirby is getting ready for the prom! (w00t!)


Kathy Greene W00t, but I swear, it anyone spills anything on my Christian Siriano original I will stab them with my stiletto.


Sylvia Kirby Hello darling, it’s Mom! I just want to remind you of all the fun ways to reuse a prom dress courtesy of Martha Stewart Living. My favorite is dying it white and converting it to a wedding dress. Should I put the article on your bed so you can read it when you get home?


Glynis Kirby Mom! My boyfriend just left me for another guy and you’re talking about weddings?!? Can’t you give it a break for once? I’m 18 and don’t want to get married. I’m not even sure I want to date anyone new right now.


Sylvia Kirby I married your father fresh out of high school, darling, and—to be fair—I always talk about weddings. Especially your wedding.


Roger Kirby Hello, kitten, it’s Dad. I think you would make an adorable bride—even in an old, made-over prom dress.


Glynis Kirby Thanks, Dad…I think.


Sylvia Kirby The article is on your bed, Glynis! I highlighted my favorite parts. Make sure you save your corsage. Martha Stewart says it will make a cute-as-can-be boutonniere for your as-yet-nameless future husband.


Glynis Kirby MOM!





Chapter One


Never Go to Prom with an Axe Murderer


“So, any bets on how long you’ve been Johnny Carmichael’s beard while he got it on with Josh Ducet in the locker room after water polo practice?” my best friend Kathy asks as we watch my ex-boyfriend and his new boyfriend slow dance to “Endless Love.” “And before water polo practice, and after PE, and before PE, and maybe even during water polo practice and—”


“Stop. It’s too depressing to even think about,” I say with a sigh.


“Cause, I swear I will cut them if either of them ever thinks about calling me their friend again. But you gotta kind of admit the two of them make a cute couple.”


“I think you mean handsome,” Lenny Cagglemyer, my next door neighbor and pity prom date, says. “Guys don’t usually go for being called cute.”


“Why do you think Johnny hid his ‘true self’ or whatever he and Josh are calling the now not-so-secret hook up?” I ask. “I mean, we’ve been together since freshman year. Even if he wanted to be true to himself, why’d he have to dump me the week before prom?”


“Uh, the signs were there, even if you didn’t see them, Glynis,” Lenny says. “Really, I love ya like a sister, but you can be pretty clueless sometimes when it comes to guys.”


“Sometimes?” Kathy counters. “Try all the time. Remember when Johnny told you he couldn’t kiss you because it was cold and flu season?”


“A lot of guys don’t kiss their girlfriends during cold and flu season,” I say.


“But cold and flu season doesn’t last all year,” Lenny points out. “And he so didn’t have mono or strep this year either. They’re all excuses. He just banked on you not figuring it out. They both did.”


I watch Johnny and Josh dancing to “If You Think I’m Sexy.” They look happy, which come to think of it, Johnny hasn’t been at all during our senior year. He may have acted happy—laughing and joking and making college plans right along with the rest of us, but now when I think about it, and really look back to the last nine months and before, I bet it was all a lie. He was never happy. Not once. Not with me as his girlfriend.


“What does Josh have that I don’t?”


“A penis.” Lenny slips his hand under my head to stop me from banging it against the table. “Hey, just keeping it real, Glynis.”


“I don’t want to keep it real. I just want this night to end.”


“We could always skip out and start the after party at the hotel early if Kathy doesn’t mind.”


Kathy waves a hand my direction, which is secretKathysignlanguage for “Go ahead.” She’s already scoping the room for a new after prom party date. She may have come with Michael because he forked over the hundred bucks for tickets, but I can tell she doesn’t intend to leave with him. Since Kathy is cool with the change of plans, Lenny stands and offers me his hand. I’m more than ready to get out of here. This night can’t possibly be any worse.